It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I recently deactivated my Facebook account, but I’m also incapacitated and in a walking boot due to some pretty gnarly tendinitis, so I figured I’d take the time I normally spend on Facebook and post a bit on this page.
1) Guess you know I’m wearing a walking boot already. It is one of the single-most frustrating things ever, given that I can’t run, and even wearing a brace to ride the stationary bike at the gym seems to be an “I can’t go for that” situation for my tendons. Dudes, just get it together and heal already, all right? I cannot keep sitting on this couch and dreaming of running forever. So, I have probably about five more weeks of this madness to go through. I hope it heals. This walking boot is like my Hail Mary for running, or activities of any kind, these days. There you go. I used a football metaphor. My life has either no meaning now or has just jumped off the charts of meaningfulness.
2) I have a story coming out very soon, at Menacing Hedge. I’m pretty psyched about it–I wrote the story in 2010 at Clarion West. It’s called “If You Can’t Take the Heat, Don’t Hire a Yeti.” It’s about the usual things: yetis, luchadors, global warming. You know, THINGS THAT ARE REAL.
3) I am maybe being a little too sarcastic right now. I hope you will forgive me.
4) This summer I acted as a workshop assistant for Clarion West. I just wrote a few sentences about the experience and deleted them. I think that’s fair enough. I definitely think it’s a Herculean task to run the workshop, and my favorite people do it admirably well.
5) I am trying to finish a secret project I call “Operation: Out of the Woods.” Yes, I know there’s a Taylor Swift song called “Out of the Woods.” Do I put a winky face here? Is that how you’re supposed to do it?
6) Tomorrow will be one year since Graham Joyce passed away. Part of me still doesn’t think it’s possible that he died, but I know full well he did. I ran a half marathon in his memory at the beginning of May, tendinitis be damned, and raised over $3000 in support of research to eradicate Leukemia and Lymphoma. I know we lose vibrant, out-of-this-world lights each and every day to these diseases, and I can’t stomach it. Graham, wherever you are, people will keep trying. We can do that much, even if it’s never going to be enough.
7) Last month, the writer Paula Bruno, a woman I’ve known since my adolescence, passed away. She even read this blog and wrote encouraging notes to me, and always championed other people, no matter their position in life. She has always reminded me a lot of my mom, and I met her through my mom, so in a way, I feel like losing Paula was like losing a kind of life line. Paula and my mom had this kind of bond that I understood, and I’m so sorry that my mom won’t be able to talk to her now. But I know that Paula — and also Graham — is the exact person to tell you to keep looking for what’s beyond. Graham, to me, saw so much in the natural world–signs, connections, bonds–and Paula, too. For that, I am grateful.
8) I haven’t written a damned thing on here about losing my Papa in January. The world is so full of people we love that have to leave us. I can’t be poetic about it. Sometimes it is just hard. You go in waves — you miss them so hard it seems impossible to fathom that they are gone. You overcome that feeling of impossibility, until it hits you again. I can’t say enough about my Papa. He was a teacher, an icon, a loving human being, mischievous and delightful, and a pioneer in his field. It took us two weeks to write his obituary because what could we possibly say about a man who was responsible for so much? Here is what we came up with.
9) I think that has to be about it for now. I avoid writing about these things because they sting and I can’t find anyway to say I’ve learned anything to help me live my life in a more positive way. Our loved ones just die. We don’t have to accept it, but that is the way of the world.